Laughter is the best medicine, and sharing jokes with friends is a surefire way to brighten everyone’s day. In this article, we’ve compiled a diverse collection of jokes ranging from one-liners and clever puns to classic knock-knock jokes and geeky humor.
Whether you’re looking to crack up your friends with a silly dad joke or impress them with witty wordplay, this list has something for everyone. So, sit back, relax, and get ready to laugh out loud with these hilarious jokes!
Page Contents
Funny One-Liners to Crack Up Your Friends
I’m reading a book on anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down!
I told my computer I needed a break, and it gave me a Kit-Kat.
Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything!
My math teacher called me average. How mean!
Parallel lines have so much in common. It’s a shame they’ll never meet.
I have a fear of speed bumps. I’m slowly getting over it.
Why don’t some couples go to the gym? Because some relationships don’t work out.
Did you hear about the Italian chef who died? He pasta way.
I’m on a whiskey diet. I’ve lost three days already.
I used to play piano by ear, but now I use my hands.
What did the grape do when it got stepped on? Nothing but let out a little wine.
I’m reading a book on the history of glue – I just can’t seem to put it down.
The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine is now fully recovered.
A will is a dead giveaway.
I’ve got a great joke about construction, but I’m still working on it.
Clever Puns to Keep Your Friends Laughing
I’m friends with all electricians. We have good current relations.
I’m reading a book on anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down!
Our wedding was so beautiful, even the cake was in tiers.
I’m on a seafood diet. I see food and I eat it.
Did you hear about the guy who invented Lifesavers? He made a mint!
I used to be a baker, but I couldn’t make enough dough.
I’m reading a horror story in Braille. Something bad is going to happen, I can feel it.
I used to have a job as a professional cricket player, but I got bowled over.
I don’t trust stairs because they’re always up to something.
Why was the math book sad? It had too many problems.
I wanted to be a doctor, but I didn’t have the patients.
Why don’t we ever tell secrets on a farm? Because the potatoes have eyes and the corn has ears.
I lost my job at the bank on the very first day. A woman asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.
The man who survived both mustard gas and pepper spray is a seasoned veteran now.
I have a few jokes about unemployed people, but none of them work.
Knock-Knock Jokes That Never Get Old
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Lettuce. Lettuce who? Lettuce in, it’s freezing out here!
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Atch. Atch who? Bless you!
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Cow says. Cow says who? No, a cow says mooooo!
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Boo. Boo who? Don’t cry, it’s just a joke!
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Europe. Europe who? No, YOU’RE a poo!
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Nobel. Nobel who? No bell, that’s why I knocked!
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Olive. Olive who? Olive you, and I miss you!
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Tank. Tank who? You’re welcome!
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Roach. Roach who? Roach you a letter, and I’m putting it in your mailbox.
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Harry. Harry who? Harry up and answer the door!
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Butter. Butter who? Butter let me in or I’ll freeze!
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Annie. Annie who? Annie thing you can do, I can do too.
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Hawaii. Hawaii who? I’m good. Hawaii you?
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Ice Cream. Ice Cream who? ICE CREAM SO YOU CAN HEAR ME!
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Wooden Shoe. Wooden Shoe who? Wooden shoe like to know!
Silly Dad Jokes to Share with Friends
Why can’t you give Elsa a balloon? Because she will let it go.
I only know 25 letters of the alphabet. I don’t know y.
Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field!
I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.
Want to hear a joke about a piece of paper? Never mind, it’s tearable.
I asked the librarian if the library had any books about paranoia. She whispered, “They’re right behind you.”
Did I tell you the time I fell in love during a backflip? I was heels over head!
I got a new pair of gloves today, but they’re both ‘lefts,’ which on the one hand is great, but on the other hand, it’s just not right.
Dad, can you put my shoes on? I don’t think they’ll fit me.
I wouldn’t buy anything with velcro. It’s a total rip-off.
I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised.
If you see a crime at an Apple Store, does that make you an iWitness?
I used to run a dating service for chickens, but I was struggling to make hens meet.
Why did the coffee file a police report? It got mugged.
I just watched a documentary about beavers. It was the best dam show I ever saw!
Witty Wordplay for Hilarious Conversations
I thought about going on an all-almond diet. But that’s just nuts!
Did you hear about the guy who invented the knock-knock joke? He won the ‘no-bell’ prize.
I used to be indecisive. Now I’m not so sure.
I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Then it dawned on me.
What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta!
How many apples grow on a tree? All of them!
I used to play piano by ear, but now I use my hands.
What did the buffalo say when his son left? Bison!
Why don’t skeletons fight each other? They don’t have the guts.
I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don’t know what he laced them with, but I was tripping all day!
I used to be a baker, but I couldn’t make enough dough.
Why don’t seagulls fly over the bay? Because then they’d be bay-gulls!
Two peanuts were walking down the street. One was a salted.
I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes. She gave me a hug.
How do you organize a space party? You planet.
Light-Hearted Jokes for Every Occasion
Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything!
Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field!
What’s orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot!
Why do chicken coops only have two doors? Because if they had four, they’d be chicken sedans!
How does a penguin build its house? Igloos it together!
Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? Great food, no atmosphere!
Why don’t skeletons fight each other? They don’t have the guts.
What do you call a factory that sells passable products? A satisfactory.
I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.
What’s brown and sticky? A stick.
What do you call a can opener that doesn’t work? A can’t opener!
What’s black and white and goes around and around? A penguin in a revolving door.
What do you call a snowman with a six-pack? An abdominal snowman.
Why did the bicycle fall over? Because it was two tired!
How does a scientist freshen her breath? With experi-mints!
Animal Jokes to Bring a Smile
What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear!
Why don’t elephants use computers? They’re afraid of the mouse!
Why do cows have hooves instead of feet? Because they lactose!
What do you call an alligator in a vest? An investigator!
What do you call a fish with no eyes? Fsh!
What do you get from a pampered cow? Spoiled milk.
Why did the chicken join a band? Because it had the drumsticks!
Where do cows go on vacation? Moo York!
What do you get if you cross a cat with a dark horse? Kitty Perry.
What’s the difference between a cat and a comma? One has claws at the end of its paws, and the other is a pause at the end of a clause.
Why did the frog take the bus to work today? His car got toad away.
What do you call a pile of cats? A meow-tain.
Why are frogs so happy? They eat whatever bugs them.
Why was the cat sitting on the computer? He wanted to keep an eye on the mouse!
How do you count cows? With a cowculator.
Geeky Jokes for the Inner Nerd
Why do programmers prefer dark mode? Because light attracts bugs!
How do you comfort a JavaScript bug? You console it!
Why was the math book sad? Because it had too many problems.
Why did the computer go to the doctor? Because it had a virus!
I would tell you a UDP joke, but you might not get it.
There are 10 types of people in the world: those who understand binary and those who don’t.
Why do the French eat snails? They don’t like fast food.
Why was the equal sign so humble? Because he knew he wasn’t less than or greater than anyone else.
Why do mathematicians hate the U.S.? Because it’s full of problems.
What do you get when you cross a computer and a lifeguard? A screensaver!
Why did the physicist break up with the biologist? There was no chemistry.
Why can’t you trust an atom? Because they make up everything!
Why do programmers prefer iOS development? Because Android is a lot of Java!
Why was the math book sad? It had too many problems.
Why was the cell phone wearing glasses? Because it lost its contacts.
Classic Jokes for a Good Laugh
What do you call cheese that isn’t yours? Nacho cheese!
Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing!
Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything!
Why was Cinderella so bad at soccer? Because she kept running away from the ball.
What did the ocean say to the shore? Nothing, it just waved.
Why was the broom late? It swept in.
What do you call a boomerang that won’t come back? A stick.
What do you call an alligator in a vest? An investigator!
Why don’t skeletons fight each other? They don’t have the guts.
What do you get when you cross a snowman and a vampire? Frostbite.
What does a nosy pepper do? Gets jalapeño business!
Why are ghosts such bad liars? Because you can see right through them!
Why did the chicken cross the playground? To get to the other slide!
What do you call fake spaghetti? An impasta!
Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants? In case he got a hole in one.
Short Jokes to Brighten Your Day
Did you hear about the cheese factory that exploded? There was nothing left but de-brie!
What’s the best thing about Switzerland? I don’t know, but the flag is a big plus.
Why don’t we ever tell secrets on a farm? Because the potatoes have eyes and the corn has ears.
Why did the banker switch careers? He lost interest.
Why can’t your nose be 12 inches long? Because then it would be a foot!
What do you call a sleepy dinosaur? A dino-snore!
Why was the math book sad? It had too many problems.
Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field!
What do you call fake spaghetti? An impasta!
What happens to a frog’s car when it breaks down? It gets toad away.
Why do fish always know how much they weigh? Because they have their own scales.
Why is dark spelled with a k and not c? Because you can’t c in the dark!
What do you call a can opener that doesn’t work? A can’t opener!
Why did the man get hit by a bike every day? Because he was stuck in a vicious cycle!
What do you call a fish with no eyes? Fsh!