Uber has revolutionized the way we travel, making it easy and efficient to get from point A to point B.
But beyond the convenience and the app technology, sometimes it’s the interactions with Uber drivers that can turn an ordinary ride into an unforgettable journey – especially when humor takes the wheel.
Here we share a collection of Uber driver jokes that will have you fastening your seatbelt for some hearty laughs.
My favorite ones:
1. Five star reviews are nice, but my favorite is “man, you drive fast. That’s what I paid for, right?”
2. Why did the chicken cross the road? To avoid a 1-star Uber rating from the possum.
3. My GPS isn’t working, but don’t worry, I know all the shortcuts… except for the legal ones.
4. Don’t worry, I know this city better than the navigation app… except during rush hour.
5. Sure, I can put the AC on full blast, but only if you promise not to sing along to the radio.”
Note
- Humor can make Uber rides more enjoyable.
- Sharing a good joke can be a great icebreaker between driver and passenger.
- Laughter is a universal language that adds a touch of warmth and humanity to our daily commutes.
Short One-Liner Jokes for Quick Trips
Let’s start with some quick laughs that are perfect for those short rides when you need a joke faster than your driver can say, “I’ve arrived at your pickup location.”
1. Why did the Uber driver bring a pencil and paper? Because he wanted to sketch out his route to success!
2. What did the Uber driver say to the passenger who wouldn’t stop talking? “Sir, would you like a five-star conversation rating or should I just keep driving?”
3. Why don’t Uber drivers ever get lost? Because they have GPS and an uncanny ability to follow the “golden rule” of navigation: always take the next right turn!
4. What’s an Uber driver’s favorite song? “Highway to the Fare Zone”!
5. Why did the Uber driver go to therapy? Because he had too many “backseat drivers” in his life!
6. Why did the chicken cross the road with Uber? To avoid the surge pricing on the other side!
7. What do you call an Uber driver with a sense of humor? A “drive-time comedian”!
8. Why did the Uber driver take a nap at the gas station? He wanted to fuel up on rest before fueling up on gas!
9. What’s an Uber driver’s favorite type of joke? One that’s a “pick-up” line!
10. Why did the Uber driver carry a dictionary? Because he wanted to define his own destiny, one ride at a time!
11. Why don’t Uber drivers play hide and seek? Because good luck hiding when someone has your exact GPS location!
12. How many Uber drivers does it take to change a light bulb? Only one, but the app really should start giving them better directions.
13. I told my Uber driver to “Step on it,” and he literally stepped on a Lego. We both needed comfort after that unexpected turn.
14. What’s an Uber driver’s favorite type of road? A five-star route with no traffic and all green lights!
15. Uber driver: “I’m here to pick up John.” John: “I’m waiting for my rating to go up before I leave the house.” Uber driver: “I guess we’re both waiting, then.”
Extended Jokes for the Longer Journeys
For those longer rides when you have time to dive into a more detailed jest:
1. A guy gets into an Uber and notices the driver’s name is Bob. So he says, “Hey Bob, are you really a Bob or is it short for Robert?” The driver chuckles and says, “Actually, it’s short for ‘Bobby’s On Break’, because that’s all you’re gonna see on the app until I’m back from vacation!”
2. Two friends hop into an Uber and start chatting with the driver. They ask him, “What’s the craziest thing you’ve ever seen while driving?” The driver thinks for a moment and says, “Well, once I had a guy request a ride for his dog! Yeah, apparently Rover needed a lift to the groomer. I had to draw the line though when they asked for the ‘pet-friendly’ option!”
3. So this guy gets into an Uber and notices the driver has a parrot on his shoulder. Curious, he asks, “Does your parrot talk?” The driver nods and says, “Yep, he’s quite the chatterbox. But be warned, he’s a backseat driver too!” Sure enough, during the ride, the parrot starts squawking directions. The passenger chuckles and says, “Looks like I’ve got a co-pilot!”
4. A woman gets into an Uber and realizes the driver looks oddly familiar. She asks, “Hey, do I know you from somewhere?” The driver smiles and replies, “Well, I used to be an actor. You might have seen me in some commercials.” The woman nods and says, “Ah, that explains it. I thought you were the guy who drove me home last weekend after karaoke!”
5. One evening, a man gets into an Uber and immediately notices how clean and organized the car is. Impressed, he compliments the driver, saying, “Wow, your car is spotless! How do you keep it so clean?” The driver grins and says, “Simple. I tell my passengers it’s a $20 cleaning fee if they drop so much as a single french fry. Works like a charm!”
6. A group of friends calls an Uber after a night out. As they pile into the car, one of them jokingly says to the driver, “Can you play some music that’ll wake us up?” The driver grins mischievously and says, “Oh, you want to be wide awake? How about some polka?” They all burst out laughing as the accordion music fills the car, instantly banishing any traces of drowsiness.
7. A guy hops into an Uber and immediately notices the driver’s impressive collection of air fresheners. Curious, he asks, “Do you really need this many air fresheners?” The driver chuckles and says, “Well, let’s just say I like to keep things… ‘fresh’. Plus, it helps cover up the smell of my singing in traffic!”
8. Two friends call an Uber during rush hour. As they sit in traffic, one of them remarks, “Man, I wish we had a helicopter instead of a car.” The driver overhears and jokes, “Sure, I can add ‘flying’ to my services. But I warn you, the surge pricing for that is out of this world!”
9. A guy gets into an Uber and notices the driver has a small TV mounted on the dashboard. Intrigued, he asks, “What’s playing?” The driver grins and replies, “Oh, just a selection of classic road trip movies. Figured it’d make the ride more entertaining.” As they pull away, they settle in to watch “Planes, Trains, and Automobiles” – a fitting choice for their journey.
10. One rainy evening, a woman gets into an Uber and apologizes for dripping water everywhere. The driver waves it off and says, “Don’t worry about it. It’s nothing a few towels and a hairdryer can’t fix!” They share a laugh, grateful for the driver’s easygoing attitude despite the weather.
11. An Uber driver gets a request for a pick-up from the airport. As soon as the passenger hops in, the driver casually asks, “So, how was your flight?” The passenger, astonished, replies, “How did you know I was up in the air?” The driver grins, “Well, for starters, you’re still clutching your seat like we’re experiencing turbulence.”
12. Why was the Uber driver hesitant to pick up a ghost? Because he had a feeling the ghost would just ghost him when it came time to pay.
13. An Uber driver picks up a rider. Before hitting the road, the driver asks, “Where to?” The passenger, evidently worn out, says, “To the future, please.” The driver, looking intrigued, responds, “All right, but do you prefer the scenic route or the time-efficient one?”
14. A passenger gets into an Uber and notices that the driver has a pirate flag hanging from the rearview mirror. Curious, the passenger asks, “Are you a pirate?” The driver replies, “No, matey, but with all the treasure I’m collecting in tips, I might as well be!”
15. An Uber driver picks up a comedian who’s running late for his show. In the spirit of helping out, the driver starts offering joke suggestions. After the fifth terrible punchline, the comedian says, “You know what, just drive faster.”
Tips for Telling Uber Jokes
Timing is Everything: Just like with comedy, timing is crucial. Ensure that the conversation has a light-hearted tone before launching into your joke.
Read the Room (or the Car): If your driver seems open to conversation and is sharing a laugh or two, it’s probably safe to test out your comedic material.
Keep It Clean and Respectful: Humor should never come at the expense of someone else’s comfort. Stick to jokes that are friendly and non-offensive.
Conclusion
Humor has a way of turning a simple car ride into a memorable adventure, and these Uber driver jokes are proof of that.
Whether you’re the one behind the wheel or the passenger in the backseat, sharing a laugh can be the perfect way to pass the time and create a more pleasant experience.
So the next time you find yourself in an Uber and the silence is as heavy as rush hour traffic, consider breaking the ice with a light-hearted joke.
After all, a shared giggle might be the best way to earn that coveted five-star rating!
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